The weekend has been tiring as usual. On Friday I attended with my parents a leaders retreat organised by their former church which is on the topic of 'reconciliation and rededication'. Not to say that my dad is still a leader there or that my family wants to stay, it's just that we realised that some of the conflicts have involved us. On my part I totally agree that it is high time for this coz there have been so many conflicts going on there, but well, (no offense though) I believe that there is a better way of doing it. Instead of asking people who have been hurt to announce publicly their hurts and who have hurt them (in front of everyone including their 'offenders') which I think wounds the offender badly, I think that there is a better alternative..like errmm allocating a time for everyone to go to those who have offended them or even people whom they have offended and sort things out? Give some privacy la..they say that doing this publicly means transparency..but does being transparent means that it has to be done in front of everyone? To me transparency is not hiding anything between those affected..and so why do other people need to know that? Plus, it's not so good that other people who have no or little idea on what is happening to hear all this..I mean it came as a great shock to many. I think sensitivity to each other is very important or it's like adding salt to the wound. That whole afternoon was like a war zone (or so my friends call it)..people shouting here and there on the pulpit. No offense though..these are just my opinions. Then again, I'm just so glad for EBC. There is no perfect church, true, but it's how the leaders/pastors deal with problems that arises. If the leaders choose to just surpress the problems or just sweep them under the carpet and act as if nothing has happened, then soon people will be left dealing with their problems themselves and things will go worse. It is during these times that leaders, especially pastors step out and tackle the problems between two parties and make sure that it does not resurface again, immediately before things gets worse. Deal with them once and for all, isn't that better? Like I said, there is no perfect church as the church is made up of imperfect people, but problems can be minimised.

Anyway, after that I went visiting with my parents. We're fortunate coz this person who is my mum's old friend who is a Datin, is very very rich (like duh!). Her husband was the head of Sarawak's Land and Survey and their home is like a palace..wahlau ehh. So, of course, there was a lot of sumptious food but best of all, we were given green packets!Haha. It's rare to receive money during Raya, unlike CNY and so this is something nice. Not everyone is give a green packet (so many ppl la) and so it has to be given privately. As always, not only me and my sis has them, but even my parents! And guess how much there was..........RM20 each!!!!!!!!! *rubs hands* well after that I went to Ian (Lee)'s place for his brithday party. The food looked good, but I really cannot take in anymore. Bloated. The first thing that Uncle Merv asked me when he saw me was.."Why aren't you not eating?" haha. We talked and he told me that there's a leadership training yesterday afternoon and stuff and ya other stuff la..bout food and diet (as usual).

Went to church at 6 am on Saturday morning. Actually I wasn't sure if I could go coz my mum's car went out of battery so I can't drive..but since Uncle Mervyn asked I promised that I'll go. Prayer meeting was good after that we went for breakfast. I didn't eat anything la but we joked around..the topic of food again=) Other stuff oso la. Got a ride home from Ian Poh (boy wasn't he surprised when he learnt that I'm staying next to his classmate?haha). and changed and followed my parents for breakfast (only drank this time) and after tat went straight to Gladys' (a churchmate) wedding at 10.30. It has been ages since I last attended one so it was fun. Held in a traditional catholic church, things are done differently from what we have. Stand. Sit. Hymns. Liturgy. Scripture readings. I can still remember some parts of the liturgy and the scripture readings, but I could see that many of my friends arent used to all that. Anyway after the ceremony some EBC people went out blowing bubbles on the newly-wed. It was so funny seeing us 'big kids' playing with bubbles..like after not playing that since ages. Haha. Took some pics and had refreshments and after that we went for lunch together.

Before I go on, here are some pics of the wedding.

Gladys and Joseph walking out of the church. See the bubbles? Nice, aint they?

A closer look..

The couple with Uncle Mervyn's family..Fanny is the bridesmaid

Pretty gals=P

Well for lunch the guys brought us a to a restaurant in Pending. They didn't tell us which part of Pending so we had to follow their car. I was in Paulus' car, we followed Samson and Wilson. Anson who's in Sam's car was supposed to lead the way but they 'missed their turn' and brought us on a half an hour ride in Pending when we finally landed near Rajah court. Apuh..tell us near Rajah Court la..ngaiti. Miss a turning oso need to drive round n round n round meh. So many roundabouts summore..hin hin ki lo. Haha. All of us in Wilson's and Paulus' car was complaining..it was so funny.

After lunch I went home, online, and then had a short rest and shower before heading to Uncle Merv's place at 4.30 for leadership training. Then I followed the rest for dinner in the open air market, came back and prepared for the meeting. Uncle Merv they all were at the wedding so Aunty Cynthia shared. During altar call, I've no idea why but I just felt such sorrow and pain welling out of me. Though I must say that this has happened to me many times, but not when things are going 'well' and there is nothing to cause me pain. I tried to control my tears thinking that it's probably my own emotions, but I finally gave up. Tears just flowed freely as God did inner healing. It's weird coz nothing was mentioned bout inner healing or anywhere near that night. I've never cried so hard ever since God seems to complete His first round of emotional healing. But last night it seems that it's starting all over again, this time taking me in by surprise. Aunty Cynthia came up to me and prayed for me and gave me a hug as tears began to flow even more freely. Like I've said, I've no idea why all these is happening, but I know that God is doing a deep work. I have to admit that these past few weeks I'm starting to feel rejected..I don't know maybe it's just my own feelings or an attack from the enemy, but it's worse when I feel rejected by my own church members. No offense people, like I said, maybe just my own feelings.

Oh well, so that's my last meeting in EmBaCY in three weeks. Next week I'm going to KL and after that Uncle Merv will not be around. I really hate all this. Why should I have to miss two weeks?

Neway church was good. Again, I dunno why but God started to do inner healing again. Tears just flowed so freely, this time I just released them. I rily do not understand what God is trying to do..maybe Round 2 of inner healing? I understand that complete healing cannot come at one go..I mean so much damage has been done. When God started to heal me during the first six months after things started to get much better, it was so awesome and healing was intense, but it wasn't very complete yet. I still struggle with certain issues. I still hurt, though it was much better. Now, perhaps, God is starting the work again? Really, nothing painful has happened, just old feelings of rejection resurfacing. Yeah I remember, God says in His Word that whatever good work that He has begun He will bring it upon completion. Well whatever it is I'll just have to let God have His way. I don't want to struggle anymore. God knows how broken I was, how much I needed His healing.